Something that has been on my mind...

Well, there has been a few things on my mind lately that I've been keeping to myself that I feel I need to vent about. I've been dealing with someone in my life that at one point in time felt that I couldn't live without; now for the first time in years I feel that individual is no longer need. I use to feel a void... kinda like the life was being sucked out of me every moment he was not there, and now its been weeks since I've heard his voices and I'm fine with that. I refuse to accept the phone calls, I intentionally ignore the text, and I make sure my kids are well taken care of so there is no need for concern on his end. It just dawned on me that all the time I hope, prayed, stayed and took all of the emotional and physical abuse I didn't have to. I didn't need him at all for anything. Although it was hard to readjust to living and sleeping alone again I did it. Just as any other woman I don't like to be alone, but i guess its time to get to know me and love me. On another note...I have a problem....There is this friend of mine that I like to spend time with. As much time as allowed actually. I like to spend time with this person because I think he is a great guy and he has some rare qualities about him. The problem is ... I feel myself at time catching feelings for him other then those "friendly" feelings. When times like those arise I have to remind myself that he is just a friend, and nothing more. Its hard though because I'm fighting against feelings from the heart. as we all know there seems to be a shortage of good men remaining that are actually not full of bullshit and/or drama. He is a genuine soul he is honestly a good person by nature. One thing I have noticed about us is that we both choose what to and what not to share with each other which is strange. I'm not too sure of why that is since we've been pretty cool now for three yrs. I'm usually upfront, but sometimes there are somethings I want to say, but I don't. That's not to often though! Anyway... With time I'll be able to be in the presence of this someone and not get butterflies in my stomach and my heart will be able to stop skipping a beat each time I get a hug. Just don't know... wish there was more until next time. Smooches!