So I didn't do what I said I was gonna do...which sucks! I've been kinda busy planning a few things out for the first EVER family vacation with my daughters, their father and I. Yes the first time ever! When my girls where 3 yrs old I took them to Seaworld. Alone and all expenses paid by yours truly " ME". Now 4 yrs later their dad and I are taking them fishing, to schlitterbahn, and a day at the beach with all expenses split 50/50!!! I can't believe it!!! I think I'm almost more excited then the girls are right now. I'm uber excited!
Now, on another note. For the pass few days I've been helping a friend out with her kids as far as babysitting, but me being who I am find it hard to tell people no. This "friend" it seems as though she has taught her kids absolutely nothing about minding their manners and listening to adults. These little girls have been so out of hand I feel bad for giving her the news that I can not help her out any longer because of her kids behavior. I know if it was me in that situation I would want someone to help me, but at the same time my girls know how to behave! I just don't know what to do because I feel so bad...
So its now time to register for summer school and I've decided to continue my core courses but yet instill undecided about my major. For the summer I plan on completing my English and History. I've also developed a interest in learning Spanish so I'm looking to take a few spanish classes as well. So we'll see how that goes and I'll make updates about it later.
Right now there are a lot of things on my mind and I can't quite clear all the thoughts out but I'm working on it. I've been through so much these past few years that sometimes you have to just jot down what bothers you most and try to work on that before moving forward. Of all things my choices that I've made in relationships bother me most. Its like since I'm a mom to three little girls I desperately want my girls to have what I never had as a kid. I've given up so much and received so little if anything at all. I was raised by my grandmother. Not my mother, and I honestly believe that just because your able to reproduce that doesn't mean that your meant to be a parent, or that your parent material. I myself believe that I was meant to be a mother. I know what it takes and what it means to give unconditional love. I will do anything for my daughters there is nothing that I can't see myself doing for them. As a child growing up I didn't know what it was to have a relationship with my mom. All I seem to remember are the bad times. I don't even recall ever hearing my mom say she loved me, or even hug me as a child. I guess some aren't able to show affection. I make sure to do all of the things I needed and wanted from my mom to show my girls what it means to love. I'm a very affectionate person and I've been that way since birth. I didn't have a father figure in my life not even a grandfather so that is something that I know nothing of. Breaking this vicious cycle is very hard. Especially when your trying all alone. See, my kids father came from a background of mom, dad, brother, etc. while me on the other hand was just myself, and granny. Thats what i call her. Anyway, even though things with my children father has not worked out thus far, and probably won't I strive to make the best of things just so they can't have him in their life. They have already had a HUGE advantage then what I've ever had. They know their dad, his name, what he likes to do, what kind of job he has, what makes him smile, whats his favoriate color etc. None of which I never knew about my donor. Thats it... He is a DONOR. Whoa!
On that note... I'll bring this post to an end. Until next time remember ...There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them."
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